When I haven’t been stressing over the recent leak in our basement or attempting to get our apartment into some semblance of order post-Christmas, one major fear has been nagging at my heart. As awful as it may sound, I have been worried about how much love and affection I will feel towards this next baby.
When he/she is delivered and placed on my chest, will it feel the same as it did with Micah and Ellie? The same pure joy, wonder and adoration? How can one person give adequately to three, three who are yet so fully dependent on me being there for them?
I must sound like a wimp really. And don’t get me wrong…I really am so excited about this new little one growing inside of me and anticipating his/her arrival. I am, in simplest terms, just freaking out a little I guess! My line of vision is so small and I suppose I am not yet able to fully grasp the vast amounts of love God places in the hearts of mothers. Whether one child or twenty, we can become far more than we ever would have thought possible by looking to Him and trusting in His strength!
A song comes to mind as well, one of my favorites, “How great the love of Jesus Christ, how vast beyond all measure…!” Would I never fear there could possibly be a cap on love…would I seek to emulate the love of Jesus, which is “vast beyond all measure.” To the children we are blessed with, would I welcome each one as a unique blessing and love with a sacrificial love, that each would feel treasured no matter the number!
Thank you God for growing another little person inside of me and using me as a life-giving vessel! I feel so inadequate for the calling. May Your power be displayed through my weakness!