Jealous for Me


*Warning: complete vulnerability ahead…

“He is jealous for me,

Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,

Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions, eclipsed by glory,

And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me. “
-David Crowder Band
Yesterday was a lonely day. A place or state I am keenly familiar with. A season that seems to present itself often. Sometimes circumstances dictate it and other times, it just seems to be. But God brought a beautiful realization out of it. As I was getting ready for the day, asking God why this thorn seems to be in my side, He whispered these things to me and it was the sweetest gift. I was questioning but in His grace, He tenderly gave me an answer I did not deserve. I heard Him say to me in the depths of my soul:
“It is the state of loneliness that I used to draw you to me when you were young. If it were not for loneliness, you would have found too much meaning and belonging in people. You would not have seen your desperate need for me and so, I drove you to me.”
My Father, Lord, Maker, Redeemer, Defender, Protector and yes, even my BEST FRIEND. He stoops low to be a best friend! Mercy, assurance, grace, LOVE. It was as though God gave me another piece of a rather “undramatic” testimony as well, showing me how He was working even when I was not always aware. Gently drawing a child bathed in the word of God from the beginning of life.
Would I see this thing called loneliness as a gift. A merciful gift from God. Would I stop fighting His plan and when this place or season comes, would I remember how God has used it for good in my life and praise Him for loneliness! Many men have had to suffer much more than this and made it up the mountain to their maker. Tired yes, but they have endured and have not wavered.
As A.W. Tozer wrote about the lonely Christian: “It is this very loneliness that throws him back upon God. His inability to find human companionship drives him to seek in God what he can find nowhere else.”
Amen, Tozer. Amen!:)

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8 Responses to Jealous for Me

  1. Grace says:

    Glad you have found peace. Love you and hope you're having a better day. Beautiful pictures of your Ellie.

  2. Melissa Marini says:

    Love all the pictures of Ellie.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Any parent would give just about anything to remove pain from their child's life….But, as a Christian, you have glimmers of what God is doing through it, and it comforts you as you seek to comfort your child! Thanks for this little window into your soul…Mom

  4. kate says:

    It appears that I seem to suffer from bouts of depression myself. I never thought I did until after babies. I cant exactly tell you why but can any of us? It is lonely and I am so thankful for your words. Just to remember how God uses all things for good and how you were brought to him through this challenge. I love you and pray for you and really hope to come and see you sometime.

  5. meg says:

    It is so refreshing to hear such honesty! My loneliness was very pronounced when I was younger also, and God comforted me with the same truth…that if I had the level of companionship I often wished for, that I would not have been drawn to Him. That is still true for me today, and in different ways – caring for children alone all day, and giving all of yourself for three little needy people, is a lonely venture! But God has used this season of life to draw me closer to Him. I pray that as my kids get older and more self-sufficient, that I would still continue to strive to keep Him first.

  6. Paul Rose says:

    Ellie is so cute, going to be another ballerina. :)

  7. Melissa says:

    Wow Susanna, your last post spoke to me more than you can imagine. I’ve followed your blog for a while but I think this is the first I’ve commented. I so well understand your feelings of loneliness that sometime seem to be there for no real reason. I have not been a religious person most of my life, but the past 10 or so years have found me in depths of depression that I didn’t think I could climb out of. I’ve started to wonder if it has been God’s way of saying “You need me. You can’t do this on your own. I need to make you realize this, painful as it may be in the process.” Now I think about God constantly and talk to him all through the day. I’m 38 (never been married, no kids) and I’m finally realizing the truth of God.

    Sorry for rambling on here. You spoke to me so much in that post! I love your blog! Through writing about your tough times, you are encouraging others of us. Thank you!

    Melissa Mease in Ohio

  8. Carrie Taaca says:

    Hi Rick & Susannah,

    I hope this note finds you both well. I’ll make this brief as I know you’re busy. : )

    Are you familiar with Jon Gordon? He’s the Wall Street Journal and Intentional Bestseller of multiple books including The Energy Bus, The No Complaining Rule, SOUP: A Recipe to Nourish Your Team and Culture, and Training Camp: What the Best do Better than Everyone Else. He speaks to top companies and organizations, has a newsletter list of over 60,000, etc. (Just sharing to paint the picture so you know who he is, if you don’t already.)

    I wanted to see if you would be interested in interviewing Jon for your blog, sharing a guest post of his or reviewing his LATEST BOOK, The Seed: Finding Purpose and Happiness in Life and Work. His advice on developing positive individuals, leaders, organizations and teams is spot on and something I think you and others would benefit from.

    Let me know if you are interested. Note: We’re featuring links back to articles, interviews, etc. in Jon’s newsletter as well.

    Thanks!

    Carrie Taaca
    Outreach Coordinator for Higher Level Group

    Selected Books by Jon Gordon:

    The Energy Bus: 10 Rules to Fuel Your Life, Work and Team with Positive Energy
    The No Complaining Rule: Positive Ways to Deal with Negativity at Work
    Soup: A Recipe to Nourish Your Team and Culture
    The Seed: Finding Purpose and Happiness in Life and Work

    Guest Post Article Topic Examples:

    *Posts would be customized to fit your blog audience as well.
    5 Ways to be Happier at Work
    The Greatest Customer Service Strategy
    Working for a Bigger Purpose
    The Power of Positive Interactions
    11 Benefits of Being Positive
    The Curse of Experience/Think Like a Rookie
    How to Create a Culture of Greatness
    5 Ways to Think Like a Champion
    The No Complaining Rule
    Turning a Negative into a Positive
    Zoom Focus – How to Get Things Done

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