Raising Daughters for Marriage

Thirty is the new twenty when it comes to marriage. Love and a commitment to see it through as the prerequisite have been replaced by the requirement to establish a career and find oneself through an assortment of life experiences – then think about marriage.

In the face of these prevailing views in secular and Christian culture, we wonder how to raise our daughters with a traditional mindset. How do we equip them for marital success? We hope to instill and support a counter-cultural mindset.

Be dignified, but not prideful.

We want our daughters to have confidence and a sense of their worth. Not worth rooted in self, but in their position in Christ. We desire to put down pride that can hinder. Though no one would articulate this, in subtle ways it is easy personify an attitude of “I’m too good for anyone.”

A girl confident in Christ and seeking godliness desires to seek a godly husband, not to fill a value vacuum with relationships or to ‘just have fun.’ She doesn’t need to invest in relationships that will lead nowhere.

Know what makes a godly man, not a perfect man

Our daughters don’t need to seek Mr. Perfect, by understanding human nature they will know their husband will be a sinner just like them. They do need to seek a man who has a heart for God, that seeks to grow in godliness, and has a teachable spirit.

Desire marriage, motherhood

Pride also says, “I have too much to offer the world to settle for marriage (or before I think about marriage).” We desire that our daughters be fed on biblical truth – seeing the role of a wife and a mother as the highest calling.

The world says that marriage is not enough to declare “success.” Parents tell their daughters they can “do more” with a clear connotation that it is ultimately the high degrees and lofty careers that are most valuable.

Other pursuits may come, but if the role of wife and mother is the highest calling it is not put on hold. If a godly man be found, but schooling incomplete, we would still encourage marriage. Because marriage, not career, is the high calling. We can attest to God’s faithfulness despite humble beginnings.

(Follow up post: Are We All Called to Marriage?)

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11 Responses to Raising Daughters for Marriage

  1. Grace says:

    Amen. And must add, love the photos.

  2. Good thoughts. Well-written and I know we are all hoping for good marriages for our kids!

  3. bchallies says:

    So glad to see you thinking things through so biblically…

  4. Franci says:

    I’ve been enjoying your posts recently. Keep it up! :-)

  5. Pingback: Sugar and Spice and Then What? « To Be A Pilgrim

  6. Eloquorius says:

    I followed here from Challies. As a single man, let me say a hearty “Thank you!’ for this. Day in and day out I sift through profiles of single Christians (so they say) and it’s crystal clear than virtually none of their world view — of self, men, or purpose in life — is Biblical, Christ-centered, eternally-minded. And you’re right, it’s parents that often send the strongest message the getting married “too early” is selling yourself short.. or something like that.

    The other problem is our churches also participate in the devaluing of marriage and motherhood, too, and often don’t know it. Listen to how people (including leaders) respond to young marriageable Christians who express a desire to get married and have kids. They’ll either parrot the parental message that they should get more out of life before “that burden”, or, unload with the rebuke that a desire for marriage means somehow they young lady or guy just isn’t happy *enough* with Jesus.

  7. Miriam says:

    Matthew 19:12
    For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

    See also 1 Corinthians 7.

    Though I obviously believe marriage is a beautiful covenant and picture of God’s love for us, I also think it is a calling, not a commandment. I’d love for our future children to have the calling of marriage, because I like the idea of having grandchildren, but if our children are called to something other than marriage, I believe that calling should be embraced, not discouraged. Just a thought :)

  8. Rick says:

    Miriam –
    I’m working on a follow up article – this one was intentionally brief and all objections were stripped out for the sake of being concise. But I also felt like these sorts of issues are always nested between so many apology and conditional statements as to not really say anything.

    The main thrust here was 1) to elevate the view of motherhood because today’s culture asks Susanna “what do you do?” I’m a mom “no, but what do you do?” I’m a mom 2) addressing parents where I think the poor messaging often comes from (or really just because we have to figure it out ourselves now!)

    In the follow up I’ll try to talk about the call to singleness or the desire for marriage without opportunity. any other questions/objections, throw them my way =)

  9. Pingback: RickandSusanna » Are We All Called To Marriage?

  10. TamaraF says:

    I am a 33-year-old, never-married woman. My struggle is that I can’t seem to find a fellowship of believers that supports this message. I’ve been involved in Methodist, Presbyterian, Assembly of God, Wesleyan and non-denominational churches. Without exception, all of them preached the “You don’t need to marry, Jesus is your husband” mentality.

    Since church circles are the primary means where Christian singles can meet each other, where do I find support for my goal of marriage, and what venues are ideal opportunities for that to happen? And if I am interested in someone, what are my next steps?

  11. Torin says:

    I think that, or at least in my experience, it can be very hard to find a trustworthy man in the first place. It’s necessary to get a degree just to be able to survive alone, in case no one worthwhile turns up. I think survival is more important than marriage.

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