Are you who you want to be? “No, Switchfoot, not even close,” I thought yesterday as I listened to this song. I am worrying constantly about the well being of my youngest child and the delay of certain gross motor skills and instead of praying, I fret and live in disbelief of God’s plan. Though I’ve come a long way in my life with this battle, I am often courting depression, it’s black hand constantly seeking to lure me into a cruel, dark world I don’t want to be in because I’ve been in it too many times before. A world where God does not exist but only Satan and his fiery arrows…the father of lies loves to lie to me. “You’re hopeless,” “You’re ruining your children,” “You can’t be a good mom”…the lies go on and on.
Yesterday a teacher at Micah’s school gave me an ear as I let out a bit of my day’s baggage…my worries about Amelia and my inability to get out much these days which can make any day seem more bleak. She has two girls of her own and she simply reminded me to pray and to remember that God knows everything that I’m going through and will give me the strength to get through everything. Her compassion was evident and I was reminded that when Christians truly care for one another, God is made evident in a living, tangible way. In our eyes, from our lips, through out hands when we lend a hand or give a hug.
So, many day, I have not been who I should be…or who I want to be. But I know that if God is for us, who can be against us(Romans 8:28)? I know that neither death nor life, nor angels nor demons neither the present not the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38). Life is so incredibly uncertain. I do not know what tomorrow may bring. I do not know if Amelia will gain gross motor skills and catch up developmentally or not. But I know that God is God. He is the king of the world and the king of our home and each day He promises to give me the strength not only to get through the day, but to be more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37)!
We sang this at Micah’s Christmas concert last week:
“Because He lives, I can face tomorrow! Because He lives, all fear is gone! Because I know He holds the future, and life is worth the living just because He lives!”
Ellie helping me in my attempts this weekend to get Amelia onto a bottle…no success! No interest!:)