The Christian life seems to be all about surrender. “Have your own way, Lord, have Your own way. You are the potter, I am the clay” goes the old hymn. And it is so. Not surrender in an hopeless, despairing sense…not surrender to a cruel God we are sure just wants to cut us a bad deal…but surrender to a God who knows infinitely better than we can ever know what it is we need. What it is we need to grow, change and be used for His purposes to further His work in whatever place He has us.
We are learning about surrender as we have realized God wants us in New York City longer than we thought. (Our two year plan has become four years and counting)! Three weeks ago, Rick seemed to be fairly handed a perfect job in Atlanta and so we thought we would be moving back south within five or six weeks…back to most of our family, to the prospect of owning a house for the first time and having easier, more affordable access to good schools for our kids. Before formally agreeing to the position in Atlanta, Rick had a good look at their medical coverage and realized it was going to be an extremely expensive plan. Along with a sizable pay cut, Rick realized we’d be giving up far too much to move…his job here is perfect for him and we have great medical coverage which is obviously vital with Amelia’s health issues. As many others advised us, we’d be wise to stay here and see if something better comes along.
I was seeing the house. I was seeing my children playing with their cousins whenever they wanted to, frequent visits to be loved on by their grandparents, aunts, uncles…the whole bit. My heart was moving there already. So having to change my gaze back to New York was painful at first…I couldn’t believe everything fell through.
But what does one do in such a situation…do you point your finger at God and say “how could you God?” “What are you doing?” “This isn’t what I wanted!” My heart has done such things at times in my life. But when I let myself be clay in His hands, it is a good thing. His love is so evident…He brings new blessings along that give me comfort and assurance that He has not forgotten or turned His back on us, our little family. And so we look again at homeschooling in Brooklyn, investing in our church here, investing in our friends here and running the race set before us right here. Right now.
“Mold me and make me after Your will, while I am waiting yielded and still.”
*All pictures above from our 4th of July weekend trip to Mystic and Stonington, CT.
* * * * * *
Oh, and two weeks ago, Rick and I got the chance to have a night out at a free outdoor opera concert with the Manhattan skyline as a backdrop.
I just had to add a few pictures capturing the almost unspeakable spendor of our city!